


IDGAF

by orphan_account



Series: Miraculous Salty Oneshots [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Identity Reveal, Adrien salt, Anti Adrienette, Based on a Dua Lipa Song, Cheating, Cursed Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, F/M, If you can't read curse words don't read this, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Identity Reveal, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug is Called MDC, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug moves on, Song: IDGAF (Dua Lipa), Songfic, Strong Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Thanks Astruc, There isn't really any Lila salt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25487737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Song: IDGAF by Dua LipaMarinette was thrilled when her long time crush, Adrien, asked her out. Then Tikki found him cheating on her... with Lila. But the joke's on him. Who knew that the reason he dated her had been because she looked like Ladybug? And she just happened to be Ladybug all along?
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Lila Rossi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug / singleness
Series: Miraculous Salty Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712620
Comments: 81
Kudos: 474





	IDGAF

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea running around my brain for a while. This is my first songfic. I hope you enjoy!

_You call me, a_ _ll friendly_

_Tell me how much you've missed me_

_That's funny,_ _I guess you've heard my songs._

_Well, I'm too busy for your business_

_Go find a girl who wants to listen_

_'Cause if you think I was born yesterday, you have got me wrong._

"Hey, Mari!" Adrien's voice sounds over the phone. She rolls her eyes.

"What do you want? And don't call me that."

"I've missed you! Want to go out?"

"No. Why don't you go find _Lila_? You seemed all too happy to spend time with her when you _were_ with me." 

"She doesn't need me, but you do. We're soulmates, rememb-"

She slams the _end call_ button and sighs. "Won't he ever learn that I don't want to see him? And that I _don't need him?_ "

Tikki zips over and nuzzles her chosen's cheek. "I doubt he will, Marinette. But I'm sure he'll give up eventually!"

She gives Tikki a smile. "I hope you're right."

_So I cut you off_

_I don't need your love_

_'Cause I already cried enough_

_I've been done_

_I've been moving on since we said goodbye_

_I cut you off_

_I don't need your love_

_So you can try all you want_

_Your time is up I'll tell you why..._

The first day after she had broken up with him, she had wanted to stay in bed and cry all day. Instead, she had thrown herself into her work, designing and then sewing what she could consider her best work yet: a royal blue dress, with a fitted bodice and embroidered silver flowers along the V-neck and waist. The gauzy skirt was perfect for twirling, which she had done many times with gusto after trying it on.

"What do you think, Tikki?" she had asked when she finished, around sunset.

"It's so pretty!" Tikki had cheered. "But you haven't eaten all day. Go get something!"

On cue, her stomach had gurgled. They had both laughed and, after Marinette changed again, went downstairs.

Since that day, she had found out: she didn't need a romantic interest, girl or boy. She was content with her work, Tikki, and Minou Nuit, her best friend.

Speak of the devil... "Hey, Nuit!" she yelled as she came by. She saw her and smiled.

"Nette! How was your day?"

Chat Noir had been forcibly retired after Adrien revealed his true personality: a clingy, untrustworthy wooden-headed boy. And an immature one, at that. She had asked Plagg to go find his match, who was actually in the city. It had turned out to be Kagami. They ended up becoming best friends and they knew they had each other's backs. They had defeated Hawkmoth a year ago but still went on patrols to make sure that nothing similar happened, and to let out pent-up energy.

"Great!" She grinned. "I got a lot done today. How about you?"

Kagami smiled back at her. "My day was good too. Want to join me?"

She grinned and transformed, and they swung off together.

_You say you're sorry, but it's too late now_

_So save it, get gone, shut up_

_'Cause if you think I care about you now_

_Well boy I don't give a fuck_

"For the hundredth time, Adrien, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SORRY! Besides, you're only sorry because you got caught... and lost Ladybug. It's not like you even care about Marinette."

"Of course I do! I care about both sides of you!" He moved to grab her arm. "Besides, it's not like it matters. We're soulmates! Soulmates forgive each other! Especially because I'm sorry!"

She slapped his arm away and rolled her eyes. "Save it. We're not soulmates, you _don't_ care about me, just my mask, and you seemed perfectly content with Lila only a few weeks ago."

"I'm not! And I am sorry! I was drunk!"

"Oh, _that_ argument again?" She snorted. "Look, you admitted it to me, you were only with me because I looked like Ladybug. You didn't know I _was_ Ladybug. Too bad for you. Clearly, you don't care about Marinette, or you never would have done that to me."

"I'm sorry!"

"Guess what? I don't give a fuck. You can leave now." She spun on her heel and walked away.

_I remember that weekend_

_When my best friend caught you creepin'_

_You blamed it all on the alcohol_

_So, I made my decision_

_'Cause you've made your bed, sleep in it_

_Play the victim and change your position_

_I'm through, I'm done._

She remembered the day when Tikki had phased through the wall and came to her, looking worried.

"What's wrong?" she had asked.

"You need to see this."

She had followed Tikki... and found Adrien tangled up with Lila on the couch.

"A-adrien?" She had stuttered for the first time in months... but not for the same reason as before.

He had jerked up. "Mari! I thought you were-"

"You're cheating on me?" she had asked quietly. Lila smirked behind him.

"He is indeed. Adrien knows I'm a _much_ better kisser than you are."

Her face had turned cold. "Sure, okay. You can have him. Get out."

She had kicked them both out with an almost superhuman strength, and then sank on the floor and cried. "Why did he cheat on me, Tikki?" she had sobbed. "Was I not enough for him?"

"He's stupid, that's why!" Tikki had declared with a murderous look in her eyes. 

The next day, he had cornered her in their (now her) apartment. "I'm sorry, Mari! She seduced me! I was drunk!"

With a frosty look in her eyes that she had carefully practiced the day before, she'd looked at him. "Sure you were. Am I supposed to believe that?"

"Yes! I'm sorry, Mari!"

"Too bad," she said, "I've decided I don't need- or want- you in my life. Clearly, you'd be much happier with Lila."

"Fine," he said abruptly. "I was only with you 'cause you looked like Ladybug, anyway. I'll just go get _her_. You'll be sorry about this missed opportunity!"

Her eyes had widened, before she laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that, _Chat Noir_. You just broke up with Ladybug."

Had she been thinking rationally at the moment, she probably wouldn't have revealed herself like that. But she was heartbroken and furious and wanted to slap Adrien, but she probably shouldn't, so this was the second best thing.

Adrien gaped like a fish. "M'lady?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not _your lady_. And as of this moment, you're no longer Chat Noir."

His eyes widened. "You can't..."

"As guardian of the miraculous, I hereby curse you, Adrien Agreste. You will never be able to wield a miraculous again. You will never be able to speak of the miraculous to anyone again. Should you attempt to do either of the above, you will be punished accordingly. You will willingly relinquish your ring now... or I will punish you accordingly. So it has been said, so it will be done."

"You can't have my ring!" he shouted, turning to run. A bright silver light glowed around him, and he cried out in agony. His limbs were forced to take the ring off and hand it to her. "Don't do this to me!" he had pleaded. "Chat Noir is my only escape from life! We're soulmates! Why are you being so cruel?!"

She stared at him impassively. "Having complementary miraculous does not make us soulmates, Adrien. Nor are you even the true black cat holder. As for escapes from life, you seemed pretty happy with Lila. I'm sure she would _love_ to be your new escape."

"Don't leave my, M'lady! I love you!" he had cried in a last, desperate attempt to get her to return the ring. "I love you, and I know you love me too! Give me the ring back and we can be happy forever."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm done with you. Leave."

_So I cut you off_

_I don't need your love_

_'Cause I already cried enough_

_I've been done_

_I've been movin' on since we said goodbye_

_I cut you off_

_I don't need your love_

_So you can try all you want_

_Your time is up, I'll tell you why_

With the help of Tikki, she threw all of his stuff out and sold the more expensive things, such as the huge t.v. and recliner that she didn't want or need. Then she'd gone threw her closet, pulling out the things that he had given her. In hindsight, she probably should have seen that as a warning sign: he almost never actually spent time with her, simply buying her things that she didn't even want, like clothes. He knew she was a designer, for goodness' sake!

Once she finished clearing the apartment of his things, she systematically scrolled through her social media, defriending and blocking his accounts. Then she changed her Facebook status to single.

"I think I needed an Adrien detox anyway," she had said, smiling sadly at Tikki. "Our relationship was getting unhealthy."

Tikki smiled back at her. "I'm proud of you, Marinette. You're moving on from him! And yes, it was getting unhealthy."

Just then, her phone rang from an unknown number. Picking up and hearing Adrien's voice immediately, she sighed and hung up. "What's he doing? Buying new phones?"

Tikki giggled. "Just a testament of how stupid he is!"

He was, indeed, buying new phones. Her phone kept ringing with his calls until she changed her number, getting a blessed reprieve... until he found out her new number. In the end, she silenced her phone for everyone expect a few approved numbers: Kagami, her parents, and her clients.

_You say you're sorry, but it's too late now_

_So save it, get gone, shut up_

_'Cause if you think I care about you now_

_Well, boy, I don't give a fuck_

_I see you tryna get to me  
_

_I see you beggin' on your knees  
_

_Boy, I don't give a fuck  
_

_So stop tryna get to me  
_

_Tch, get up off your knees  
_

_'Cause, boy, I don't give a fuck_

He showed up at her doorstep one day, literally on his knees. "Mari, take me back!" he cried. "I'm sorry! I love you!"

The conversation was practically routine by this point. "You don't. You love the idea of me, sure. You love my mask. But you don't love me. I'm done with you."

She moved to slam the door. He blocked it. "We're soulmates!" There was a crazed look in his eyes. "You need me!"

"Has it ever occurred to you," she said coldly, "That it's the other way around? I don't need you. But from your actions, you need me."

He scoffed. "Of course I don't! But _you_ need _me_!"

"I don't. I don't give a fuck about you. I don't even give half a fuck."

He fell back to begging. "Please, Mari, please! Take me back! I'm sorry I cheated on you, but it wasn't even my fault!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Get up. You're twenty, not two. And you say it wasn't your fault? Then whose fault was it? No one could have forced you to make out with another girl on the couch."

"She seduced me! She got me drunk and then seduced me!"

"How convenient," she rolled her eyes. "And... she seduced you, and you went along with it? Yes, totally not your fault."

She slammed the door in his face. And if it bruised his nose on the way closed? It wasn't _technically_ assault.

_About you_

_No, I don't give a damn_

_You keep reminiscin' on when you were my man_

_But I'm over you_

_Now you're all in the past_

_You talk all that sweet talk, but I ain't comin' back_

_Cut you off_

_I don't need your love_

_So you can try all you want_

_Your time is up, I'll tell you why_

_I'll tell you why_

She got a restraining order on Adrien, valid for three years. Thankfully, the calls finally stopped. But out of curiosity one day, she looked at his social media and promptly regretted it... or maybe she didn't. She got to call him out... online.

> Missing my girlfriend M! She broke up with me rather harshly a few months ago... But I still love her and am waiting for her to come around!

He included an old picture of them sharing Andre's ice cream at the Eiffel Tower. Looking at the comments below, some were supportive, some were furious, and some, she was surprised to see, weren't on his side.

Among the supportive comments, there were things like, "I feel so bad! You're a great person! I'm sure she'll come around!" and "oof :/ how u doin? she doesnt deserve u anyways". 

Among the angry comments was "HOW DARE SHE BREAK MY BOY'S HEART! I'LL BRING THE PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES!" and "What a mean girl! You should move on! She clearly isn't a good person."

And some comments were actually surprising: things like "What do you mean, waiting for her to come around? Have you considered that she might have broken up with you for a reason? Even if it was harsh, you should wait for her side and not say things like that." as well as "First of all, how stupid are you to love someone who, in your words, broke up with you harshly? Second, she doesn't owe you to "come around". And if you broke up, and you’re admitting it here, why is your status still saying you're in a relationship?"

She sighed and looked at Tikki. "I should probably say something, shouldn't I?" 

Tikki smiled at her supportively. "Just tell them the truth, Marinette! I'm sure people will understand!"

She posted, quoting his post:

> It is true that I was in a relationship with @AdrienAgresteModel. To be honest, it was toxic. He did not, in fact, love me, as he revealed later. I broke up with him after I found him cheating on me with another girl in my own apartment. He then admitted that he was only with me because I look similar to Ladybug. He has been harassing me and I have had to get a restraining order on him. Please do not encourage his antics.

"How's this?" she asked Tikki, typing it out. 

Tikki looked. "Do you have to include the part about looking like Ladybug?"

"No," she admitted, smiling impishly. "But I'm feeling petty."

Tikki giggled. "Okay then!"

_You say you're sorry, but it's too late now  
_

_So save it, get gone, shut up  
_

_(Too late now)  
_

_'Cause if you think I care about you now  
_

_Well, boy, I don't give a fuck  
_

_(Boy, I don't give a)_

_I see you tryna get to me  
_

_I see you beggin' on your knees  
_

_Boy, I don't give a fuck  
_

_So stop tryna get to me (get to me)  
_

_Tch, get up off your knees  
_

_'Cause, boy, I don't give a fuck_

The fallout was pretty big. A rabid fan had actually climbed into his room, using a window whose lock was loose, and found his stash of Ladybug propaganda (including his Ladybug boxers) and took pictures posting it online. People found the cache creepy, and decided that her story was true (since it was). _Gabriel Fashion_ fell, with people buying from _MDC Designs_ more and more. Adrien still had his fangirls, but for the most part, he was a part of the past.

Years later, she saw him out in public. His model figure was gone- he wasn't ugly by any means, but his slim figure was gone and he was clearly eating well. He recognized her immediately.

"Mari!" his face broke into a grin. "I've missed you!"

"Hi," she said cautiously. "How have you been doing?"

Without responding, he dropped onto a knee and took out a box. "Will you marry me?"

She was shocked. "This is the first time we've seen each other in _years_. No! Besides, I don't trust you."

"But, M'lady, I said I was sor-"

"Look, Adrien, sorry doesn't cut it. You cheated on me and I trusted you. Then you admitted that you were only with me since I looked like Ladybug. And we see each other after I had to get a restraining order because you were harassing me! I am not your lady!"

"But we're soulmates!" 

"Goodbye, Adrien."

"I'm sorry! I broke up with Lila!"

"Guess what?" she asked coldly. " _I don't give a fuck._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome!  
> To any Liars Never Win readers, sorry about not updating. I'm kind of stuck. I'll try to get something out soon!  
> I'm considering another song fic but Alya/Nino centric (it's still gonna be salt). Look out for it!


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